=S

Before I realise I actually don't want to post this, I might as well post faster than my reclusive side takes control once more.
I haven't really cried over anything that matters.

I couldn't smile when my Granddad on my father's side died, and I could only go so far as to look sad when my Granddad on my mother's side died. I haven't cried over a single thing that means something important. And sure, it might be about perception and what I think is important, but I know that Joan Girardi isn't real. She's a character.

Yet, I watch the same 'Trial and Error' episode over and over and I cry. Doesn't that sound so...just fucking shitty.
I can't let out one fucking tear when two members of my family dies and yet I can bawl when Adam cheats on Joan.
What the hell does that even mean?

I watch that episode on purpose. Just to feel that one little bit of normality. I feel like I go through this catatonic stage whenever someone I knew passes away.
Father G? Didn't talk about anything really for a week. Nothing of substance, in fact, nothing coherent. If i acted this way, then I wonder how Lylca acted, I mean, he was her father and a wonderful priest.
My brothers friend? Whoa, did I feel like shit that day. So helpless wondering about how he died. It was odd and just so simple, so finite, so logical but not logical at all. How could he just be sitting there not breathing? Its not like he was straining so there was no pressure on any vital organ. I mean, how can that just happen? Aren't we built to protect from that kinda of thing? Just stop functioning?

I didn't ever tell anyone that a week after my granddad's death [mom's side], I was still looking for the Nutella we hid to keep for ourselves and when I found it, I ate half. I emptied out the other half and buried it under the tree in our backyard. I spelled out his name in alphabet soup and ate it letter by letter. Pretty shitty way of coming to terms with the fact that my favourite grandfather had just left the earth.

I'm having doubts about posting this. I think I may take it down, depending on how I feel about it being here. Its not like many read this garbage that files out of my brain anyway.

peace out.
[oh wow, symbolism, no caps lock or exclamation mark]
English will kill me eventually.
-dyz_./

Yer guys, don't mention this at school, or I will lovingly rip your delightful throats out. =]
And I mean that in the nicest way possible.